Guide to Peru: How the Scaredy-Cat Makes Friends

Destination: Southern Peru
Cities visited: Lima, Paracas, Huacachina, Arequipa, Puno (Lake Titicaca), Ollantaytambo and Cusco

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If I’ve learned one truth in this world…

it’s that my partner and I can’t leave home without running into someone he knows.

In Pittsburgh, he has numbers on his side. He’s lived here several years longer than I have. But he also has a way of intimately getting to know everyone he meets – from colleagues to Trader Joe’s cashiers.

Case in point: Thousands of miles away, on our way from Lima, Peru, to Paracas – a small seaside village known for its access to the Ballestas Islands, fondly called “the poor man’s Galapagos” – L glances at one of our Peru Hop busmates and says, “he looks familiar.”

Turns out they went to high school together. Because of course they did.

I don’t generally have this …  shall we call it a problem? In addition to funny and nerdy, I’ve been described fondly by friends as cold, hard to get to know and a word that rhymes with witchy.

The truth is I’m just shy, private, and much more insecure than I generally let on. (I also have a horrible memory. I probably wouldn’t recognize many high school classmates if I saw them at a high school reunion, let alone on another continent.) The point is, I don’t necessarily make friends easily.

Except, that is, when I travel.

Social anxiety goes on vacation:

aka, Why I don’t have (as much) social anxiety while traveling

1. I will probably never see most of these people again.

I spend much of my time interacting with potential long-term friends second-guessing everything I’m about to say. After all, it might not be cool enough, smart enough, or funny enough. But if I’m sharing a hostel with a stranger and I make a bad impression, I’ll be leaving that hostel soon anyway. Sitting next to someone on the bus from Huacachina to Nazca? We’ll be off soon enough. Who cares if they don’t like me? If they do like me, we might meet up again on our travels, but if not, I never have to face them again.

              PS – This goes the opposite way, too. If you realize you aren’t quite meshing with someone on the bus, for example, you don’t have to worry about getting stuck in an awkward situation. Sit next to someone else next trip.

2. Curiosity trumps anxiety.

When I get really curious, everything else tends to fade away. One of my favorite things about travel is interacting with people from different places and of different cultures than myself. I want to know about my fellow travelers’ experiences. Do they have recommendations? Warnings? Can they teach me a fun fact about where they live? Fellow travelers can hold a wealth of knowledge and be a welcome distraction from boredom on long stretches of road/air/sea.

3. Conversation starters abound.

If you went to university, you know that most interactions with strangers began thus: “So, what’s your major?” It was a nice, reliable entry into any conversation because every student had this in common. When traveling, there are prescribed questions that will also apply to everyone and offers a segue into conversation. As someone whose biggest problem with social interaction is usually starting the conversation, I appreciate these golden standards:

• Is this your first time visiting [Lima/Peru/South America]?
• How long are you traveling for?
• Where are you visiting from?

If these don’t feel quite right, look around and take a cue from your surroundings.

• “I never realized there was so much desert in Peru.”
• “There sure are a lot of free roaming dogs, aren’t there?”
• “Tossing toilet paper in the bin feels weird, doesn’t it?”

It might feel lame, but these are legit things I said to people. And you know what? No one looked at me like I was crazy or stupid. Odds are they have been thinking about these trivial things, too, and are more than happy to chat about them.

For me, once the conversation has been started, it becomes much easier to continue on. I’ve had hours-long conversations with virtual strangers who weren’t so much a stranger by the end. The hardest part for me, though, is when I do click with someone and want to invite them to explore.

I can feel like a burden, like I’m latching onto someone else’s fun. What if they don’t feel like we clicked?

I’ve come up with a pretty good system that alleviates that worry while still getting my invitation across.

Story time

Once upon a time in Arequipa, Peru, my partner and I struck up conversation with a Norwegian couple at the breakfast table next to us. Okay, to be more precise, we couldn’t figure out how to go about getting breakfast and they, sensing our confusion, told us what to do.

We chatted through breakfast. They had arrived late the night prior, one stop during a three-month journey. We talked easily about work culture, learning languages, and how lucky we were to be eating on a rooftop with a perfect view of El Misti, one of Arequipa’s four volcanoes.

Then, as we all finished our meals, the shyness crept over all four of us.

“We’re going to walk over to the Mirador de Yanahuara,” I said tentatively. “If you’re not doing anything, you’re welcome to join us.”

There it was. An invitation.

I like this phrasing because it gives a clear “out,” relieving both parties of pressure if they think me weird or, more likely, they really do have plans. It’s short, sweet, clear.

We ended up spending three hours together, mostly because none of us were quite adept at reading the city map and got lost no less than three times. It was great, genuinely. And once those gates of friendship were opened, we exchanged social media to keep in touch. Though our schedules didn’t line up again for the rest of Arequipa, we reached out again the following week when we overlapped in Cusco, allowing two more days of adventure together.

The Wrap-Up: Making friends in all the right places

Travelers seem to be much more open than those going about their day-to-day life. Solo travelers crave connection, group travelers crave a break from their fellows. We are all exploring more than just the world. We’re getting to know humanity, too.

I don’t know if I’ll see any of my new friends from my Peru trip again, although we were truthful when we offered up our guest rooms to anyone who wants it. But it’s okay if the connection doesn’t last because at least they happened at all. They add to the memories of the trip, and the emotions, too.

The beauty of making friends on the road is this: When there’s nothing to lose, there’s no reason to hold back.

So, talk to everyone. Have no expectations. Old, young, local, foreign. Talk to them all.

Are you more outgoing while traveling? Shyer than at home? Share your experiences in the comment section.